My Bittersweet Symphony

I can't believe its been almost two years since I wrote here. I really need to get better at this. Lets see how do I catch everyone up?

After we got married we got pregnant

Had a beautiful amazing son- Bruin "the destroyer" Lamb 10-25-13

And with much sadness I lost my father unexpectedly last month 03-04-15. He loved being a grandfather soooo much.

On a lighter note I am about to finish my clinical hours and in another short month I will be a Master Level Clinical Social Worker. YEAAA!!!!
I can move into my own private practice and hit the final goal mark of my career.

I'm in a huge state of transition. My husband and I are doing very well and our home and family is full of joy but we are at an important juncture. Wondering if we should start a granite shop? Open up my own business? I want to own a hot dog cart potentially. should we move back to Pocatello? So many choices and ideas.

I'm so thankful for the amazing friends that have been there for me. I couldn't pull myself out of bed if it wasn't for all the love and support I get from all my amazing friends.

Soap Operas, Spirituality, and Embracing Life

In the busy hectic world of getting up, going to work, cooking meals, and washing clothes, and then rinse and repeating the whole cycle. I (and 99% of humanity) get lost in the the monotonous and tedious chores of day to day living. In a form of gluttonous viewership I often will watch a soap opera or a drama movie to immerse myself in the life of the rich and famous and pretend that life is as action packed as the moment to moment scandals of the whorish and rich soap opera stars. TV time for me has become a large part of my schedule thanks to this frigidly cold weather we have been having recently. Not much of  my TV viewership contributes to my betterment but is merely emotionally entertaining, except for recently.

In a recent episode of General Hospital Carli the ex mob boss's wife, ex philanthropist's wife, mother of 2, and rich woman of her own right is upset that she has had sex with a notorious loser and then later realized that he had rightfully earned his name. After her frustrations she breaks into his old hotel room and in a moment of fury and drunkenness she cuts off her hair in hack job that was reminiscent of Edward Scissorhands finer works. I watched this scene several times with shame and guilt. This scene was more familiar then most. How many times had I dated a loser or had sex haphazardly? How many times had I in fury and drunkenness committed acts that I would later have to face? 

It's been a few days since that episode and I keep coming back to it. The shame and guilt have gone away and I feel pride in my heart. I have grown. I have learned to measure my emotions. I have learned to associate with healthier people. I have found the love of my life (thank you bobby). I have matured and realized the power and consequences of choices. I have learned to let go of emotions that don't serve me and when necessary use them for the energy I need to make the changes in my life that are wanted. When discussing this blog and episode with my husband he expressed the changes he has seen. "Your not so high strung.... Thank GOD!!" he praised after.

There are a few essential truths I have learned recently that seemed to have made the biggest difference.

Everything is as it is. You can either be mad or see it as an opportunity.

Nothing is really that big of a deal.

I'm going to die and I need to make sure I get what I want out of this life.

Life is suppose to be hard, that's life.

Try to live green and contribute to the world. Buy recycled stuff, recycle stuff, help someone who needs help, and try to involve yourself to helping humanity make the needed changes to insure the survival and enjoyment of future generations.

Stop being so self centered, people don't intentionally try to screw up or be mean to you. (and if they do fuck em)

And finally,

All that matters is relationships AND you attaining the goals that your soul's purpose calls you to do. And sometimes that means do nothing.

P.S. When you get the chance running around naked in nature is pretty awesome too!!!

Highlights of Thanksgiving

What a great holiday.

We went to Pocatello, Wednesday night and traveled in the dark.

Thursday morning I helped get some traditional food items ready. I visited with Aunt Teri and caught up on the happenings of our lives.

I told her about some recent discoveries I had learned about the LDS faith through some friends that had left the church. She wasn't too happy about me knowing certain "sacred and secret" things.

While I have always preached that everyone has the right to pick their own religion I have an obsession with the crazy secrets of the LDS faith and how they were able to kipe so many traditions from the Masons. Such as hand symbols, handshakes, and masonic symbols.

Being the Christian that I am I believe that all Jesus wanted us to know was provided via the New Testament rather then LDS belief that the church had fallen away from Jesus's intent and therefore needed Brigham Young to provide the secret and sacred ordinances that somehow gives the christian a way to work their way into heaven.

Romans 3:23, "Since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god: They are now justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is Christ Jesus" Romans 2:27 " Then what becomes of boasting? it is excluded. By what law? By that of works? No, but by the law of faith".

Last time I checked Jesus didn't say it was vitally important for you to get sealed, know the handshake, were the sacred garments, and tithe your 10% to get through the 3 different levels of heaven. That was some crazy man-made entrapments to convince others they have to work for their salvation...... END RANT.

But on another note, after cooking and enjoying some religious conversations I joked with dad for a bit and then got to the Stalnaker's for Thanksgiving. It was Bobby's first time meeting Dad #2's family. It was enjoyable, I freaked out a little bit because my grandparents let my cousin bring his laptop to the dinner table which when I was a young girl if I tried to bring anything to the table I would have gotten my ass chewed. Weird how people breed and perpetuate bratty behavior in their children.

My cousin Matthew has a cabin in Drigs outside Targhee he has invited us to come down whenever we like to stay and go boarding. I think me and Bobby will try to go there in February because in March we are going to Denver ( to look at possible career opportunities....maybe).

After dinner, I went to see the dad, watched some more football (I think Bobby's cowboys lost), and then went to the Odyssey to see the other family. Ended up drinking and have an emotional night with Tiffany. It was good for both of us to clear our hearts about the events in our life that have really been effecting us. As a result, I slept most of my Friday away trying to get rid of my hangover.

Friday was fantastic though; after I kicked the hangover, Me and Bobby when to the Parade of Lights and played pool with the whole family. I was able to see my cousins new babies but due to Mom's conflict with my aunt and whatever they assumed was my bias I did not receive a warm salutation.

Honestly, family is family whatever sadness from years ago and opinions individuals have shouldn't influence people's abilities to show love. First it's family and second it's the holidays. Friday night I got to hang with my Poky Homies and it was so nice. I do so love my crew down there and seeing them once a year is sad. I really miss playing texas hold em. After watching some Poker we ended back up at the Odyssey and I ran into soooo many other friends. I really enjoy how I know 50% of the bar patrons well and we can pick up right were we left off. It's my very own Cheers where everyone knows my name. :)

Saturday we went home!!!  We wanted to beat the rain and see some Boise hommies Saturday night. We went to 2 events, said hi to many friends, didn't hardly drink a drop (all drinked out by this point), and finished it up with homies, comedy tv, and sleeping in our bed.

I am backing up my PC right now with the intentions of wiping it out and re-installing the operating system....wish me luck.

love you guys.

home and recuperating

Well we are home.

We got to see almost everything there was to see- even try our hand at videography.

I have to say in the midst of Bobby's attempt to survive the lagoon plague he made a sincere effort to have a good time. Our hotel was right downtown Salt Lake City, the room was on the top floor and the jacuzzi was AMAZING!!!! bobby and i for the first time ate sushi together, weird it took us a year to enjoy that together. we imbibed a bit at the end of the week and checked out some local bars thanks to trunk.

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the honeymoon didn't really feel like a honeymoon till our suite experience. We swam and soaked, bobby met some rednecks that he just instantly loved. I think he will probably keep in contact with them for years to come. bobby stumbled into a crazy party at the hotel but thought better of it and got his butt home to me in the gigantic fluffy bed. the next morning we woke up to the sun shining on the slc mtns. we drank a bottle of sparking wine compliments of tom and laid around like lazy cats all day.

When we left I gorged myself on hot wings and we went to a campground to rest before we went to the utah state fair. which i might add was not even as big or as cool as our fair.

We came home sunday and watched football with billly, trunk, and danelle. sad to say however. No matter how much drugs i throw down Bobby's throat he is still on deathbed's door. glad to be home and ready to plan our 2nd honeymoon sans bobby's cold.

I've got a wedding video that I will be posting soon....keep posted.

Honeymoon Adventures

A day in the life of our honeymoon.....

Our trip has been amazing but with a few curve balls that were unexpected. 

We got to Lagoon with no issues. I was glad we went down a day early because that enabled us to ride the rides for two days. We were able to get one water ride in at the Lagoona Beach before it closed for the rest of the summer.

Day 2 the rest of the family got there (see photo). We had a wonderful breakfast provided to us via Sven (thanks for always being the breakfast man). Afterwards we went about rides. Some significant highlights included Benne winning a giant smurf, getting Katie and Bree on rollercoaster rides, and going on the freefalling machine (can't remember the name) and watching Katie puke afterwards. We went on Riverrapids to cool down and I got bobby to do a handstand with me as a spectacle to the onlookers. At the end of the day we looked like some adult kids who were really high on some adrenaline. 

But the night wasn't over. We ended up watching a beautiful sunset and walking behind lagoon on a nature/animal trail and stealing some wild apples.

On Monday, Bobby and I got checked into our hotel room. We ate, slept, and ran some errands. Then Bobby began feeling sick, so we went to bed early.

On Tuesday we went to Snowbird and rode the tram, then we went to the Living Aquarium and pet some sharks and even watched them feed. Aferwards we went to Thanksgiving point and took a nap behind these man made falls.

After our nap we looked at some dinosaur bones and debated on the origins of life.... Bobby began feeling sicker......so we went home and was in bed by 8!!!!  (can you tell there has been lots of sleeping so far?)

Today we went to the Natural History Museum to look at some more dinasaur bones (i really love science) debated some more on whether humans really evolved or not, and then went to a HUGE botanical garden were we got lost several times.

After Red Butte Garden I convinced Bobby to take me to the the Utah Museum of Fine art. While we were admiring some amazing old and fantastic art. Including a really weird pictures of Mother Mary squirting milk into baby Jesus's mouth, bobby developed PINK EYE!!!!! Luckily I have my good friend Jim to call and get some assistance cause that stuff doesn't go away on its own.

On top of pink eye my phone has decided to take a shit and therefore we have intermitten GPS which is making navigating SLC a bit difficult.

Hopefully Bobby will wake up tomorrow with no goopy eyes and feel better because the next 3 days of Honeymoon I have jam packed with art/museums/drinking/jacuzzi suites/plantetarium and dancing.

I'll try to post again in a couple of days. Love and Miss YOU GUYS!!!!

Back to Blogging

Many years ago I found blogging to be very therapeutic but often was getting in trouble for airing dirty laundry. I realize now that in my life and career I should be discriminate about what and who I post about.

With that being said I still plan to be as open as possible and be able to vent to some degree my dirty laundry. If your new to my blogging experience I use this medium to vent my frustations and to take an analytical look at myself and those close to me.

I apologize ahead of time if over the next few months you might read something you take personal. I will try to keep names or identities out of it as much as possible and use aliases when I can. Feel free to make comments if you are so inclined.

I hope you enjoy the reading.